I'm not busy making other plans

on purpose.

2024 feels significant to me - it marks twenty years since starting my band Thought Forms; twenty years since 2004, when I was 16 turning 17.

I’ve come to the conclusion that because that point in time seemed like the first year of not being a “child” (although I obviously wasn’t in any way an adult), 2024 feels like the end of one chapter and the start of another - the end of a twenty year journey from the very first tastes of freedom through all kinds of mad places, people and experiences (spanning the full spectrum from extremely shitty to mind-blowingly wonderful) to where I am now.

Looking out over Bristol, 2004

16 year me old had a long list of goals and dreams and a big imagination; though the journeys and destinations have not been exactly what she imagined, I think I’ve done her proud and ticked a lot of the boxes she laid out.

So I guess now I’m wondering :

“What next”?

After a really long time of having a very clear vision about the things I wanted to experience and achieve, I currently feel sort of blurry around the edges. It feels a little bit messy and confusing… but also like something good.

When I first found Substack, some random suggestions popped up and one of the first posts I read contained this sentence :

“Remember When You Wanted What You Already Have?”

It’s from a fashion blog and this particular post is about moving away from the harmful way we consume-consume-consume, moving away from fast fashion and having fewer but better things that will last us. It’s a good piece and all stuff I’m interested in...

But when I read that quote, my mind wasn’t on what I have in my wardrobe.

I don’t know about you but I seem to catch myself on an almost daily basis thinking that I haven’t done enough (either that one day or in my 36 years on the planet, depending on the mood).

There’s a little voice beating myself up for not achieving enough / not earning enough / not being enough of the things I’m “supposed” to be / not being the highest performing, best version of myself that I could be if I just “TRIED HARDER”.

I know I’m not the only one. I know that it’s a symptom of the capitalist society we’re part of, worsened due to constantly being drip-fed the highlights of other people’s lives via social media feeds¹ and activities such as googling the director of the amazing new film you just enjoyed only to discover that they’re only 27 and it’s not even their first film - you fucking loser what are you DOING with your life?!²

Looking out over Bristol, 2024

…What a load of bullshit that is though.

Of course it’s good to have ambitions / things to work towards / look forward to; but the negative side of that is never being satisfied with what you’ve already achieved, always wanting more, always searching for the next thing that is “THE thing that will make everything perfect” and meanwhile, letting life pass you by.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

I know, quoting John Lennon like I’m a fucking A4 print on Etsy - but he was so right.

There are still projects I want to finish (and start), places I want to go and lots I want to learn. But what I really want in 2024 is to enjoy everything that I have right now and spend proper time with the people and creatures I love, without my mind being somewhere else. I don’t want to be “too busy” grasping for what might be next (because external forces are telling me that it’s the done thing) that I miss out on what’s here and now, don’t rest and allow my body a chance to recover, don’t allow myself to be inspired and just let things brew. So for now - “what’s next” is what is.

Today, I have enjoyed the first flowers on the camelia which are so bright they almost hurt your eyes. I like that they always come on the week of my husband’s birthday (except for last year when they didn’t come until April, which was very weird).

I managed to brush my cat in increments. It’s not over, but it is progress.

Jim and I went to the DIY shop, which for some reason we always really enjoy.

We ate cannolis. They were delicious.

A couple of covers of songs I like that I’ve recorded and shared here recently:

‘Glory B’ by Castanets

&

‘Bleed American’ by Jimmy Eat World

x

Charlie